(Not) Alone in the Dark
by Settiai
Summary: They had been friends once. Before Alchera. Before Horizon. Before Mars. A part of him couldn't help but hope that maybe, just maybe, they could get to that point again.


When he first stumbled back into consciousness, it took Kaidan much longer than it should have to realize that the rumbling noise he was hearing was the sound of someone talking to him. Especially considering the fact that it took him even longer to make out actual _words_ rather just sounds.

"… and I mean it, Alenko, you are _not_ allowed to die on me. I refuse to have to explain to Shepard that I let you die down here."

The voice was familiar and clearly turian. It was also pitched low, as if the speaker was talking more to fill the silence than because they were expecting a response.

Kaidan furrowed his brow. Then he immediately regretted it as his head felt as if someone was trying to split it in two. He groaned, distantly aware that it sounded more like a pained whine than anything else.

"Alenko?"

Damn it, he knew that voice. His head hurt too much for him to focus, to _think_ , but some distant part of his brain was certain that he knew that voice.

"Alenko?" the voice repeated, sounding concerned. "Damn it, Kaidan, can you hear me?"

Garrus. Garrus Vakarian. The name popped into his head unbidden, followed a moment or two later by the image of a face. It was Garrus that was talking to him. He had known that he'd recognized the voice.

"Kaidan!"

Kaidan blinked a few times, turning his head a little to the side as he tried to figure out exactly where he was and what was happening. It was dark, a dim glow coming from somewhere nearby the only source of light. After a few seconds, he realized that he was on his back, presumably sprawled out on the ground. And there was a blurry turian-shaped form leaning over him.

A _glowing_ , blurry turian-shaped form. Which explained the light source. The glow must be coming from Garrus's armor.

"Garrus?" Kaidan asked. Or, at least, he tried to ask. Even to his own ears, his voice was so slurred that it was almost unintelligible. He frowned, trying to focus his attention on talking. "What happened?"

Better. It was still slurred, but it wasn't quite as bad as before. At least, he didn't think it was. Maybe it was, and it was just his imagination that it was cleared. He obviously had a concussion. For all he knew, it wasn't even—

A hand rested on his shoulder, a touch so light it was barely there, but it was surprisingly grounding. Kaidan felt his racing thoughts grind to a sudden halt.

"What do you remember?" Garrus asked carefully.

Kaidan frowned, the pounding in his head making it difficult to think. They had been on a mission, something about… missing refugees. They had suspected it was slavers or mercs that hadn't figured out yet that maybe the universe going to hell around them was a sign that they should look into a career change, but there was always the chance that it could be the Reapers, so they had looked into it. Shepard, and him, and Garrus, and Vega. Shepard and Vega had gone around behind, while he and Garrus had—had—

"It was a trap," Kaidan said with a groan, as memories flooded back. "They set up explosives around the mine entrance."

It was difficult to tell in the dim light, but he thought that the look on Garrus's face might have been one of relief. It surprised him, at least a little. Kaidan was well aware that things had been more than a little tense between them since he'd rejoined the crew of the _Normandy_. He hadn't expected—well, he wasn't certain what he had expected, but he didn't think it was worry. Not on his behalf.

"How long have I been out?" Kaidan asked. He took a deep breath and carefully pushed himself up into a sitting position. The world spun sickeningly around him for a moment, and if Garrus hadn't reached out to grab him he suspected that he would have crashed right back onto the ground.

Garrus made a thin, whistling noise that was clearly meant to convey annoyance. He didn't call Kaidan out on his not-that-well-thought-out action, though, which Kaidan took as a small blessing.

Of course, he also didn't answer Kaidan's question.

"Well?" Kaidan asked again after a few seconds, once the world had stopped spinning quite so much. "How long?"

Garrus let out a gust of air that might have been a sigh. "Long enough that I was starting to get worried."

Kaidan didn't mean to snort. He honestly didn't even realize that he had until Garrus's grip on his shoulder suddenly disappeared, almost sending him falling flat on his face. He wavered for a moment, his eyes closing as everything started to spin again, forcing himself to breathe as deeply as possible and focus on staying upright.

 _Good job, Alenko_ , he couldn't help but think to himself. _You don't even have to speak in order to insult your friends now._

But they weren't friends, were they? Not really. Not anymore. That was the whole point.

The world was still turning wildly. Just when Kaidan thought he was going to lose the fight with gravity, Garrus reached back out and placed a supporting hand on his arm again.

"Sorry," Kaidan said quietly, not quite trusting himself to open his eyes. "I didn't mean to—" He trailed off, not quite certain what to say. "Really, I'm sorry."

Garrus didn't say anything for a moment or two. Then he let out another sigh. "I didn't ask her to choose me, you know," he said, his voice almost toneless.

Kaidan didn't want to open his eyes. He really didn't. His life was full of him doing things that he hadn't wanted to do, though, so he reluctantly opened them anyway.

He found himself staring directly into Garrus's face. They stared at each other, neither of them saying anything, before Garrus looked away.

"I know you didn't," Kaidan finally said, after several moments of awkward silence. "Believe me, I know. I'm not—I shouldn't blame you. I don't blame you."

He didn't actually say that he blamed himself instead, but Kaidan was certain that Garrus knew what he meant.

They had been friends once. Before Alchera. Before Horizon. Before Mars. A part of him couldn't help but hope that maybe, just maybe, they could get to that point again.

"Shepard was getting some more help from the _Normandy_ to dig us out," Garrus said suddenly, the change of subject so abrupt that it was almost startling. "They'll probably be here soon. You should try to get some rest until then."

Kaidan blinked at him in confusion.

Garrus gave him a look that he couldn't quite read. "You look like you're about to pass out again," he said. "I'd really prefer it if you didn't."

Kaidan's mouth twitched at the corner, just a tiny bit. "You don't want to explain to Shepard why I'm unconscious when she finally gets here to rescue us?"

"Not really," Garrus agreed with a half-hearted shrug.

Garrus shifted a bit, giving Kaidan enough room to lean against him somewhat. It was enough to help with the vertigo, at least.

"Thanks," Kaidan said after a few seconds, his voice barely more than a whisper.

There was another awkward silence. "Well, you know, it's what she'd want," Garrus said finally.

Kaidan didn't have the heart to argue, not really, but he couldn't help himself. "I'm not so sure about that," he said softly. In his mind, he flashed back to Horizon. To Earth. To Mars. To the dozens of things that he'd said that he wished he could take back. To the hurt, and angry, look on her face when he'd—

He pulled himself back from that train of thought as quickly as he could.

Beside him, Garrus chuckled. "It's what she'd want," he repeated. "Trust me on that, Alenko. I'm certain."


End file.
